Discerning Your Vocation
by Fr. John English, S.J.
"The joys and hopes, the griefs and anxieties of the people of this age, especially those who are poor or in any way afflicted, these too are the joys and hopes, the griefs and anxieties of the followers of Christ".
Vatican II, GS. 1
Experience of Call
Reflective persons, especially those who are trying to discover the basic direction and commitment of their lives, realize that there are myriad voices beckoning them to give full attention to these calls. The sirens and the prophets are everywhere. How do persons discover true calls from the Lord and the way they are to respond? How do persons discern their life vocation?
Two Examples:
The first is an example of a person who wished to discover the basic state of life God wished for him. In searching out the dream of God for him he came to a conviction that the Lord wished him to be a priest. So he took this choice to prayer asking the Lord to confirm it. At the beginning there was a sense of peace with the choice. Later, however, there was much disturbance in his inner being: zest for life was disappearing, his mind was concentrated on himself, he experienced sleeplessness, life was becoming a burden and there were other interior experiences. In discussing this with his spiritual director, he indicated that the only way open to someone who wished "to live all perfection" was in the priesthood. When the director suggested to him that it was possible to live the life of perfection in whatever state the Lord called him, he replied quite spontaneously that his deepest desire was to be married and have children. Then he spent some weeks of further prayer and checking out his inner experience while considering the married state of life. The results were the opposite of those mentioned above:
We might consider another example almost the opposite of the above. This person fell deeply in love and through much reflection came to the conviction that she was called to the married state. As the time of marriage approached she was much agitated by the thought of her future life. Upon inquiry, it became obvious that these were not just the normal fears of a bride to be. In her uncertainty she did not want to hurt the man she loved so much. Still, this question persisted: "How might I best serve the Lord?" In her being she sensed a great attraction to be present to and serve many persons. Although she did not feel certain that this meant a call to the religious life, it did indicate to her that she needed more confirmation about the married state. A weekend retreat led her to decide to spend some time in a religious order and experience this other state of life. She entered a house of formation and about a year later was surprised to experience the grace of freedom with respect to both states of life. She realized that she could be happy in either state and serve the Lord well in both. She knew that she was free to choose either and that she was to choose the one that most fulfilled her deepest desires. She chose religious life and still feels, after twenty years, that this is her vocation for life.
These two examples indicate that the journey to discovering our life vocation can be twisty indeed. Moreover, they suggest that it is helpful to have a companion or guide with us on our journey. We look for someone who is wise in these matters and with whom we can discuss all the concerns that we have about our vocation.
Vocation comes from the Latin word for call or calling. It implies that there is an action from God who is beyond ourselves that is beckoning and calling to us. In a sense, we cannot deny this activity. We respond to it by answering yes or no. To ignore it is to answer no. Our belief is that God calls each one of us to do some good in this world. We are called to be concerned for other human beings, to be instruments of his love, peace and justice.
Some persons experience being called by God as an invitation into the desires (dreams) of God for the human race, for the church, and for ourselves as we live out our lives. God has a dream for each one of us. We are uniquely loved and called by God. God only wishes good for us as a human race and as individuals. God's dream is that we in our own unique way will join Christ in building a better world and so experience ourselves fully. "I know the plan I have in mind for you ... plans for peace, not disaster, reserving a future full of hope for you.... When you seek me you shall find me; when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, it is the Lord who speaks." (Jer. 29:11-13)
Life Vocation
In today's world there are a number of ways to respond to the calls we experience in our life. Some of these calls involve the totality of our being. Others are only a part of the expression of who we are and how we experience ourselves. As we try to discern our life vocation, we search to know the consistent direction and manner of our being in this world as discovered in the pattern of our history. Our life vocation usually involves two aspects: our intimate relationship with other persons, including God, and the lifelong occupation we choose to be better instruments of God's love in the world. When we speak of our vocation to the married, priestly, single or religious life we are concerned about a constant way of being towards ourselves, other persons and God. This coupled with our lifelong occupation expresses the way in which we commit and understand our whole being vis-à-vis ourselves, other persons, the human race and God. Different persons approach their life vocation in different ways. Some consider the occupation they are to follow first and then the state of marriage, priesthood, religious or single life.
Our very existence is shaped by the experiences of call. In fact, the whole human race and the church are in a dialogue of call and response with God. This dialogue, in a mysterious way, expresses the activity of Christ to transform the world into himself. Our own dialogue of call and response is part of this transformation of the world. We have been called into existence, into this family, into this country, into this race. And in our freedom all of us are called to respond to these calls and to discover who we are and what our role is in this world. Moreover, this dialogue is to be our continual way of life.
This applies especially to Christians, for our basic call is to be other Christs. Christ is not only the call but also the response. We are to respond constantly to the Lord's call, "Come, follow me.", much as he responded to his Father and to the needs of the human race. We are all called to develop the full potential of the human in ourselves and in other persons. Our response is to encourage the seed of the divine in all of us and enable us to love as Christ does: "Love one another as I have loved you." (Jn 15:12).
We have experienced calls of many sorts: the call into existence, the call out of sin, the call to join Christ in the enterprise of building a world of love, justice and peace. We will learn much by returning to these many experiences of call in our life and discerning those what are from God and those that are from the enemy of the human race and our own human nature.
Goal and Purpose of our Life
One activity in the discerning of our vocation is to return to our various experiences of call so that we will appreciate the constant presence of God in our lives and have an intimate sense of the special relationship that God has with us. Another activity is to consider the goal and purpose of all Christians in whatever life vocation we choose. That is, we are to live out Christ=s words: "Love one another as I have loved you.", whether we live in the single state, in a community of dedicated lay people, in the married state, the priestly state or in a religious order. St. Ignatius Loyola expresses our purpose and goal in this way: God's purpose in creating us is to draw forth from us a response of praise, reverence, and service to God (like that of Christ) and in this way to experience the fullness of being. (Spiritual Exercises: Principle and Foundation)
Brainstorming Possibilities
When we wish to discover the basic manner in which we are to live our life, we have a number of ways to proceed depending on the type of persons we are and our life experiences before we begin on this journey of discovery. For some of us the best way to proceed is to follow a process of investigation. For others the best way is to heighten awareness of what is happening in our interior life. For some people the process will involve a great deal of weighing advantages and disadvantages in choosing a state of life. For others the imagination is of prime importance: "What dreams do I have of myself? What dream does God have for me? What would it be like if...?" For some people the process will take much time and many steps. For others the process may be quite brief and simple. For some it will involve much discussion and direction with other people. For others it will be a more private matter. For most it will be combinations of these.
So that we can get a more personal knowledge of our own personal purpose and goal in the Christian life, it may be helpful to consider a number of concrete ways we can fulfill this basic call in our world today. There are calls to be with and assist the poor and suffering, calls to educate ourselves and others so that we can be instruments of justice, healing and goodness, calls to cooperate with others in building a better world, a world at once more human and divine. We can ask ourselves: "Which of these calls touches me most deeply? What will be the means for me to fulfill these calls? Which state in life will best assure that I answer these calls? Where will Christ be more present with me? Which ones are from God?"
Elements and Steps
The Discernment is the activity by which you get in touch with the interior experiences of your being as you consider decisions in the faith. Some examples of interior experiences are joy, happiness, sense of fulfilment, fear, anger, anxiety, aloneness, sorrow, love, trust, security, exaltation, union with God, separation from God, hope and peace. I will now discuss with you in more detail some interior experiences you are to consider as you proceed to discern your vocation. Each one of you can decide which way you will proceed in this activity.
- Sense of Identity as the Beloved of God
It is in a context of the love of God for each one of us that we set out to discover our life vocation. For it is in response to God's love for me that I will discover God's desire for me. This love of God flooding my heart draws me to him as I serve other men and women in whatever state of life the Lord calls me to. so it is helpful to reflect prayerfully on the various experiences of my life that indicate God's unique love for me. This knowledge will give me the freedom to be open to whatever life vocation I sense God is calling me to.
- Overall Goal and Purpose of my Life
Since I am attempting to discover the life vocation that will influence all the other aspects of my life, it is important to reflect deeply on the goal and purpose of all human and Christian life. This gives me a perspective on life that helps me to find the freedom necessary to make myself available to any one of the various life vocations I might freely choose. For I am to feel no constraint to choose one state of life over another, except that of the love of God moving me. My one desire and choice will be what assists me to fulfill the purpose of my being while serving God in terms of Christ's command: "Love one another as I have loved you."
- A Deep Appreciation of the Mind and Heart of Jesus Christ
Since Christians are to put on the mind and heart of Christ in order to fulfill his command, it is important for me to pray over the life of Christ, his words and actions as presented to me in the Gospels. I can do this in many different ways. But a beginning is to read and ponder the accounts given in the New Testament. I am not seeking a detailed knowledge of every word and action of Jesus in order to imitate him like an automaton. My hope is that his spirit will come into my being. I pray, "To see you more clearly, love you more dearly, follow you more nearly."
- I Pray for Light and Strength
I ask the Lord to move my mind and heart that I may choose the life vocation that will better serve him and his people. Once again I realize that this process is carrying me to seek help from God. The help that I need is both in my mind and in my heart. I need both clarity and strength. I need to recognize the ways in which I can best serve the Lord. But I also need the strength to overcome the many fears and obstacles that I and others will put in my path.
- Discerning Interior Movements
As I move through these various steps many different interior experiences take place in me. Some I have never had before. Some are very strange indeed. Yet, it is good to know that other people before me have had similar experiences when trying to discover their life vocation. Below are some of these experiences, not necessarily in the way you will experience them:
- a sense of surprise, bewilderment, humility before God that this experience is happening to me;
- a sense of being carried, accompanied;
- a sense of sinfulness and unworthiness;
- a sense of being wide open, available to serve God and his people;
- a great desire to join Christ in building a more just and peaceful world;
- an experience of struggling towards freedom;
- an awareness of being tempted to escape this responsibility;
- some knowledge of desiring to choose a lesser way and naming it my vocation, in other words, experiencing deception;
- certain peak religious experiences in which there is great clarity and certitude about what I am to do (experiences of call that I cannot deny);
- some interior experiences that fill me with turmoil and fear;
- others that fill me with peace and a sense of fulfilment.
- Spiritual Counselling
As I consider what life vocation I should choose I often experience being pulled in many directions. When I think of the advantages of one life vocation I may see it fulfills my deep desires. Yet, I question whether I can fulfill it. Then when I look at another life vocation I see another set of advantages and another way of fulfilling my deep desires. Again, I have feelings of inadequacy and wonder if I am being realistic. I am torn between which one to choose. I realize that I need someone to assist me to make a right choice in these matters. I look for someone to assist me in discerning what these interior experiences mean as I seek to discover my life vocation.
Although this activity is my own since I am the one having the experiences, still a counsellor, friend, companion can give me an outside view as I try to discern my life vocation. I seek out someone whom I trust and who has more knowledge of life and of the activities of the Holy Spirit in human beings, a person who can assist me to judge the meaning of my interior experiences.
From the examples given at the beginning of this discussion, there is an indication that extended periods of private prayer and reflection along with some spiritual direction are very helpful when I am deciding a life vocation. At some time I may realize that what I need is a few days aside to focus and dialogue with someone more fully on this most important decision of my life. Discernment weekends with other men and women can be a great asset at this time as can a weekend of privately directed prayer at a retreat house. Eventually, I come to a faith-filled certitude that this is what the Lord is calling me to do. I sense within myself a continuity with the faith experiences of my life, an awareness of union with the Lord in his service of humankind, and a response to God who calls and draws us beyond ourselves. I become aware that "I can do all things in him who strengthens me."